I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Umm I'm too high to move.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
