forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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