i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
