her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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