I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
