my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
