soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
