So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
