Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
