we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
