he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
