I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
