I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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