what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
