I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize