Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
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just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
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No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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