I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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