If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize