that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
