I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
