I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize