We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
