Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
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There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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