The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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