I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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