Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
and she was petting her beer can
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
