I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
