i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
