We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize