omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
