just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize