a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
