I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
