So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
