Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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