***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He is an equal opportunity slut.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
