so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
