He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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