Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
