did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
