I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
