the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
