no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
