Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
