My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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