listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
