There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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