I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
