We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
