they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This toilet bowl is my home.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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