Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
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I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
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I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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