Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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