He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
