isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
