Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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