Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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